Is it depression?
If you have read my previous post you will know that my boyfriend of almost 5 years and I have broken up. We are getting rid of the house that we just bought not too long ago and going our separate ways. He has already moved out and my son and I will be moving in the next couple of weeks.
I’m really not sure if what I am feeling is depression or just the effects of the break up. I’ve had other boyfriends and broken up but for some reason this feels different. Maybe it’s just that I truely loved him more than even I realized and this is just normal. I really don’t know.
I don’t sleep and when I do I dream of things that I would really rather not have in my head, I eat less in one week than my 10 year old does in one day and no I’m not exagerating, I used to smoke maybe a pack every day and a half now I’m smoking a pack and a half a day, I know I’m moving but have nothing packed, I just can’t seem to do anything.
I honestly feel like I have lost a part of my family in all this. I was actually doing not too bad till last week when I had posted something on my facebook status. It was totally innocent, not meant at my ex at all however someone read it and called here and words were said. By both of us that I really wish I could take back. I thought of this lady not only as a member of my ex’s family but as someone I loved as a member of my own family. Now not only have I lost my ex but I have lost one of my very close friends. I doubt she will ever read this but if you do and you know who you are I really wish you would call and I that I didn’t have to loose you as well.
I’ve gotten a referal to a psychiatrist for March 13th and I really hope this helps. Not all my problems or depression or what ever you want to call it are because of the breakup. I have had many many problems in my life as everyone has however I’ve never been great at dealing with them. Which is the difference I think. I’m almost positive it has a lot to do with why I’ve never had a successful relationship.
So I know it’s going to take awhile and it isn’t going to be fixed in a session or two but I am hoping maybe this doctor can at least help me so that I can find and live a normal or semi-normal life and hopefully one day find someone that can love me and be with me.
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